Thoughts on Rest
What is it about rest that we find so challenging? What is it about asking for help that we find so defeating?
When I see a friend who is tired and burnt out, I suggest rest because I love them and I understand that rest is the most productive thing they can do. I never think them lazy or selfish. So then, when I am sick or tired, why do I deny myself rest? Why do I think I don’t deserve to rest. In our lives we are told (men too but especially women) that a lot of our self-worth and success comes from what we can produce or what we can do for others. There is no place for yourself in this work, only what you can accomplish for the good of others or for society. This leads us to believe that when we are resting, we are failing. Rest means we are not contributing, in fact we are probably depleting and that feels bad to us. When our self-worth is directly tied to the amount we produce or the amount we do, rest seems like death.
As I’ve been forced into bed rest by pneumonia and other various shit, I’ve had a lot of time to think about rest and my aversion to it. Even on vacation, I feel like I have to accomplish something in order for it to be “worth” it. I have to see all the things, do all the activities, climb all the mountains. I find myself wanting to read a book on the beach and then not doing that because “why would I travel a thousand miles to read a book when I can do that at home”. This mentality has me exhausted; I’m exhausted in mind, soul, and body and my body told me so by getting seriously sick.
Rest does not come easy to me, I’ve been resisting this rest for so long. I have been fighting the feelings of guilt and inadequacy that come with being still so much that I’m starting to think it’s impeding my healing. So much energy wasted on fighting when I could have just been resting and getting better.
When I give myself the gift of pause I am able to listen better. I hear myself; all my insecurities and my gifts. Within these insights I am able to work through limiting beliefs, conditioning, and all other manner of nonsense I’ve taken to carrying without realizing it wasn’t even mine to carry.
Getting sick seemed like such an inconvenience and now I see it was a gift. I hope to be able to treasure the insights that are blossoming, I hope to have the strength to release the binds that tether me to negative feelings, and I hope to have learned this lesson for good.
What is your relationship with rest? What feelings arise? Do you give yourself enough of it- why or why not? I’d love to hear your thoughts!
For now I’ll continue resting and recharging, ending this year on a note of self-love and self-care. May I have learned the lesson for good this time.
namaste, friend